Some Days It's Hard

I just joined a writers group through my church and I am so excited to get started working more on songs again. I know I posted that I wanted to do that about four months ago (lame) and I did write ONE song (a love song for Jeremy's and my 10th anniversary) but no one gets to hear that but him so maybe it shouldn't count? lol. Anyway, I hope to begin getting into the habit of writing more regularly. I randomly hopped on COURSERA.ORG yesterday (you remember I took a modern poetry class on there) and what do you know but they had a songwriting class. Six weeks beginning in July well of course I have to do that! It's FREE. Yesterday I also picked up two more penguin classics at the library. I began one last night and found it difficult to get into. The style of writing is so unique I don't even know what to call it except maybe "stream of consciousness"? This old guy is in a hospital and is going over the book he wants to be his life's work (something on player pianos believe it or not) but mushes in how machinery changed the world's landscape and computers and cloning and how everything is going to hell in a hand-basket with lots of philosophers' and composers' quotes thrown in, usually in french or german. I don't know those languages and will not be googling the phrases for translation btw. It is very overwhelming to follow. The first penguin book I read when I began was tedious but not like this one. It's the first time I've really thought "perhaps this is a complete waste of time". I mean, I have studies I want to accomplish, verses to memorize, other books I CHOOSE to read, and now a writing group AND a songwriting class. Maybe this isn't the best time management. But Jeremy encouraged me to keep at it so I guess I will plug away? (I end with a question mark because I'm not quite done figuring out how I really feel about continuing my insane goal) I have been watching some AMAZING tv lately. shocking, I know. VICE is a great series on HBO documenting cultural and social oddities or behaviors around the world. I've learned about China's empty cities, Ibogane-a drug used in other countries to break peopl'se heroin addictions, and remember all that crazy Globe-trotters go to North Korea thing? VICE HAD CAMERAS THERE. It was crazy. I also watched some amazing documentaries, one being GIRL RISING on CNN. One of the girls they profiled is a World Vision sponsored child. It looks at the social status of girls around the world and gives you facts and figures on current education levels and how to change it for the better. I want to bring all those girls home but then I remember my lack of patience with the children I already have and I am just saddened by my own failings.The other one was about photo journalist Tim Heatherington (sp?)  If you want to see a completely different take on war you might watch his documentary following American soldiers for like a year in Afghanistan. I still need to find it and watch it. This man had a unique take on why men/boys partake in warfare. It really struck me. He was killed on the ground soon after his documentary was up for an academy award. You should watch it. All of this leaves me overwhelmed. It's too much. this world. I curse myself for my inadequacy even as I want to cry in thankfulness for my reality. It's so important to have a finger on the reality of others that is NOT LIKE YOURS. It's Overwhelming. Some days it's hard.