On Trusting

I need friends. I was prompted by a wonderful opening speaker at CBS last week to pray more consistently for Trinity to make bosom buddies. I would say it is her chief struggle in life at this point. On Saturday when we said our bedtime prayers I had a bit of a stunning revelation. I don't have any friends either. Say what?Apparently this is a matter we need to be in PRAYER for EACH OTHER about.It's time for me to set the example of transparency in my family. The children have huge feelings to express but have trouble articulating them. I have the words but fail to express mu struggles to my children. I'm not talking about burdening them, I'm talking about empzing with them.She overheard me telling this to my mom and said, "I heard that, mommy!" She sounded relieved and possibly even excited that her mom could actually relate to her struggles. In a previous post I mentioned that when I was in grade school I had similar struggles to Trinity but in the end how could they truly phase me when I had a twin sister and  built in best friend? I don't know how to help her because her experience and my experience are just going to be. ..different. Now before I hurt any of my dear ones in this area by sayin' I have no friends let me explain that there are several amazing ladies from our old church that I know I can still count on. Also, there have been new friends made that I very much enjoy visiting with. God has certainly not left me all by myself. Somehow though, I always feel like I  am a little to the side of a group of people already in place. Does that make sense? I have lived in this area for five years, where is my Diana? my Kindred Spirit? I am still waiting on her. Thank heavens for old friends who love me still today, I wouldn't trade them for the world but I am confessing I need a "now" friend too. Someone that will someday join the ranks of my old friends who know me best and who I adore in return.  It's hard to find that friend. My sweet friend Hannah recently moved to Texas and I feel like I am at square one again. As I see my daughter in a similar situation I realize that maybe I have been doing a lot of lip service about trusting lately while not owning up to my frustration with the Lord's holding pattern plan on friends for not only myself and my daughter, but my husband as well. We are all in our own ways hurting for friendships meaningful and fulfilling. I resolve to change this. I desire to lay it before the Lord with thanksgiving for the friends I have but hope for the friends that I know I will make.
Let me bring in another aspect of this concept. A home church. I grew up in a small church where almost all my friends attended from toddler-hood to, well, some are still there! I have all these wonderful memories of our friendships and everything we did together and I WANT that for my children. It wasn't perfect but it was profoundly blessed. When we first moved here we were blessed to join a church where God was meeting each of our needs individually. The women's ministry was amazing for me, the home group was fun and Jeremy actually had friends there, and of course the children thrived with the amazing teachers there and the Awana program. (I have the feeling there are too many "ands" in that sentence for proper english) I thought we were heading for the picturesque church "history" for my children that I didn't know I had been dreaming of until it was no longer there. The truth is that Trinity, Blake, and Isaac's history will look different from mine. I can't create for them the perfect church life. I kept hoping in our last two years of church-hopping that if we could just find the right one we would all find friends and everything would be in balance again. My children could thrive again. But. . .bottom line is, their experience is going to different from mine.They won't live in the same house all their lives like I did. (Trinity has already lived in three) Trinity keeps saying that she misses the "old church" and our "old life". It would be so easy for me to fall into the same thinking. Longing for the "good old days". But that would mean losing sight of what God is doing in the present. This is how I can help her. I have said several times these past few months "darling, yes I miss our friends too, I wish we were closer to nee nee and granda, our old church and all the fun we had but you know what? God has a plan for us and if we are stuck in the past we won't be open to what He has for the future". Darn but it's true!!! I could go back to any number of times in my history and wish for things to be "like then". I think I am in denial about it and I think it has been affecting my perspective on the churches we visit. So. ..why? What's the hold up? Why am I in the same boat as my eight year old? Seeking friends and not settled in a church family? God is up to something. Am I going to trust Him? I am letting go of all my preconceived EXPECTATIONS and putting my TRUST in  my creator who has plans only for my good, no matter how hard the journey. It's time to fess up, I think my family needs the Lord more than ever and I am so grateful that He knows it already. Lead us in the way everlasting, Father. We are yours.