Sometimes God. . .

gives you the breakthrough you need. The past few years I have had particular issues with my faith. I was picking the Word apart, doubting things I've believed all my life, suffering occasional loneliness, and most importantly battling continual self-condemnation for my lack of spiritual growth. I even went so far as to read the one year bible with a notebook by my side in which I wrote every question and problem I had with the scriptures and subsequently, with God. Yesterday Natalie sent me a post that really helped clarify my thinking which you can find here: http://www.itakejoy.com I was thrilled when his mother insightfully encouraged  him as he struggled to make the Christian faith his own that he reminded her of the biblical Jacob who wrestled with God. She reminded him that wrestling is a full-contact sport, and it's good to be in contact with God. The tie-in God gave me on top of the "wrestling could be a good thing" mentality shift was in my study of Hebrews 5 and 6. - leaving the elementary teaching of Christ and moving on to maturity. As I went over the list of basics I thought, well what is maturity then? I guess maybe I have misunderstood what maturity in Christ is. It seems less the perfect understanding of every doctrine and nuance of the faith, (which is what I usually wish I had, being married to a high school debate boy) and more the constant practice of our faith. Being able to discern right from wrong and creating a fruitful harvest of righteousness that comes from practical application of the scriptures. I know it says it right there in Hebrews and seems to be remarkably simple but these past few years I haven't felt it was enough to mean growth. I needed more head knowledge, memorization of scriptures, understanding of doctrine and theology. I wanted to have an opinion on EVERYTHING or else I felt I didn't know what I believed about ANYTHING, but studying in Hebrews I can feel the importance of Paul's words. Of course I still desire to know more intellectually because that's just who I am but yesterday I experienced a refreshing FREEDOM from the burdens of the past few years I had placed upon myself. Here is the bottom line for me: my questioning is not something to feel ashamed of or guilty about or fear that I might be playing some fake role in professing faith. God is willing to wrestle with me. He is steadfast and loving, patient and kind. I AM growing every day that I continue in the faith and am not satisfied with where I am at but seek something deeper. More like Christ means taking that extra time to discipline my child correctly, treating my husband with love, being aware of and helping the needy, etc. This is the life He calls us to and this is the life I LOVE. loved unconditionally. yes. Peter in a moment of fear denied Christ. yes. upon him the church was still built. yes. great things from passionate, imperfect, faith? YES!