Christian Ethics

In our bible study we have been discussing 1 Thessalonians and the the concept of Christian ethics. How do Christian ethics differ from regular ethics? Ethics is defined as a system of morals that govern a group or culture. The ethics I strive to live by are largely God given from His word, the Holy Bible. It is not a peer-based set of morals, or social/cultural, or even what my parents might offer. This makes them VERY different from the current culture which really offers no absolute guidelines. Love must always balance ethics because ethics without love cannot truly fulfill what God has called us to live (love your neighbor as yourself). Any-who with this in mind I will now tell you how this has applied to my life recently. If you don't know, my husband (genius that he is) has spent the past 5 years building his own company. I am so proud of what he has accomplished and God has never let anything lack in our lives even though the building years have been hard at times. There are so many blessings I could tell you about on our journey of self-employment. Difficulties would include no benefits and paying your own taxes for four years (brutal trust me) but the blessings include a child paid for (through DSHS) and another paid off in just a year. God is so good, sorry kids don't mean to make you sound like car payments. =). Over these past four years I have prayed often that God would protect Jeremy on the steep learning curve of owning a business. I have prayed that his reputation be guarded and his decisions be in line with the ethics God has called him to. Well for about six months they have been in talks with a big company, first to acquire Jer's company (which didn't work) then to possibly partner with. It has been a ton of going back and forth with Jeremy's hopes riding the natural highs and lows of possibility and uncertainty. Through all of it I have prayed God's will be done and protection, protection, protection. This week it was finally announced that the prospective partners would be going with a competitor's company. Not just any competitor either but a former employee of Jeremy's who "happened" to begin a carbon-copy of Jeremy's company about a year after they had to let him go. It wasn't anything personal but this particular guy was more business man than programmer (what they really needed at the time) and he was continually failing to impress while making demands of the company for more. Apparently this "competitor" offered prospective partners a deal they couldn't resist. Jeremy didn't seem to be brooding about it, though he did offer one comment expressing his disappointment but quickly moved on to the next steps for the company regardless. I am so proud that he didn't fudge any numbers or make any impossible promises (which is only guessing but I suspect this other company capable of). He just laid out what they would be willing to do and it didn't work out. I have seen Jeremy making good calls for his company and learning to step up to the plate and become more assertive for his own benefit over these past five years. I love what he wants to do for his employees and how much he cares that they feel well-taken care of, (benefits are around the corner woot!) I know that Jeremy's focus right now is not necessarily that he be a light for Jesus but regardless, he is. I'm just so thankful because I do feel that God is answering my prayers. What comes next who knows? But I do know that God is faithful and all those other dreams I have for Jeremy God knows and I can rest in that; and work on myself. Always more to do there.

Do the Puyallup!

Yes it's that time of year again, time for the fair. I don't remember taking Isaac last year, he would have been just a few months old but this year we trekked out to see all the sights and sounds of the fair. The kids love the rides and animals and I love some of the displays but unfortunately the kids didn't last to see the stuff I wanted to. Boo hoo. Little Isaac was sickish so he didn't fare too well; he hates his stroller and he is at an age where he isn't happy to just hold your hand and walk with you but immediately runs the opposite way you need to go. SO. . . .fun. . . . .

 snot face, cranky pants = )

 standing on the hay to see over the fence.

 "milkin the cow"

 pretty sure I got the same pics last year,

 sheepy goaty love

 handsome

 they felt safe petting the pygmy goats

 I love fluff!

 so does isaac

 chicks at Isaac's eye level

 clapping at chickies

 talking to chickies

 chicks hatched at the fair

 water ride, trin was stressed because blake was rocking it

 blake seems to enjoy stressing her out. . .

 daddy and trin on the scrambler. . .she loves this ride!

 so man, where are we going?

  they call these "Krusty Pups" the batter is great but the hot dog part is gross.

 meeting one of the moms from the Birth Board I'm on with Isaac, Jennifer Krause and her duaghter Elyssa

How do we teach the babies Wisdom?

This question was posed by my friend Rose on her blog about their life preparing for ministry in Spain and their adorable June-bug (like Isaac) Susannah. It got me thinking. Earlier in the day I had copied down two Proverbs I want the children to memorize. Wisdom was a big part of the parenting book I just finished (mentioned in the previous post). Most of you have heard the Proverb that says "The fear of the Lord, is the beginning of Wisdom". For my older children this is an easier concept to teach them. God is so big and mighty, and His works (creation) that we see all around us amaze their little eyes all the time. They know they can't make that. Also, we talk about forgiveness and grace. They get mad at each other, they even get physical, then they get sad. They have hurt each other and need to forgive one another. It's a gut reaction that they have a hard time controlling. God doesn't work that way though, there is no "backlash" for sin. There are consequences but not in the parent losing his temper sort of way that we earthly parents sometimes exemplify. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not die, but live eternally". This act of sacrifice also impresses them, Trinity especially understands that "Nothing can separate us from God's love." Romans 8:39. So the correlation between fearing the Lord and respect (not primal fear) is more easily made. In the Proverbs, the Word of the Lord is over and over brought up as vital to having "wisdom". Reading it, repeating it, learning it by heart, appreciating it, all leads to worshipping the Holy One, the only One worthy of adoration and "fear".
     After thinking about this long and hard last night *that's my disclaimer, this is not going to be a perfect answer to my friend's question nor even to some a good one but it's the answer I came to* I have decided that saturating my littlest in the Word of God is the best way to begin to teach him wisdom.So, little Isaac at 15 mo. is too young for Awana, VeggieTales, (please I beg of you don't let such videos be your children's only exposure to the word of God, PLEASE get them involved in THE BIBLE itself!), and many of the other fun sources of scripture learning that are available to us in many areas. Also, He obviously (since I am at home) spends the most time with me which makes me #1 on the example providing list. I think that when Trinity reaches just a few years older one of the most difficult things for her will be peers challenging her on her belief that the Bible is the Word of God. This is not a world that makes it easy for you to express your faith. Especially when that faith is one way to God through Jesus Christ His son. Even in our own home we have different creation views. As part of the public school system she will be barraged with information that will conflict with what the scriptures say. All of this can and MUST be combated with an understanding of the Word. It must be on their minds and IN THEIR HEARTS to such a deep extent that if you cut them, they bleed Ephesians 5 "Forgive one another, just as in Christ God forgave you". If they struggle with jealousy they repeat to themselves Proverbs 23:17-18 "Don't envy sinners, but always continue to fear the Lord. You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed."  If they are tempted to lie/save face/cave to peer pressure/get out of discipline their conscience screams Proverbs 23:15-16 "My Child, if your heart is wise, my own heart will Rejoice! Everything in me will celebrate when you speak what is right" This scripture stands for my heart or for God's own heart for my children in a crises of decision.
   This list could go on and on and obviously Isaac won't be memorizing bible verses yet. He only says "uh-oh". = ) but in our house the Word will be respected. It will be discussed. It will be memorized. It will be read to the children, they will read it themselves and they will be blessed by it. I will sing to Isaac Jesus Loves me. I will tell him Jesus loves him using scriptures. I will tell him God's promises to him using scriptures. I'm even going to try to learn a few to comfort him with when he is crying. I will sing them to him and speak them to him because it will teach him Who the Lord is and how to fear Him  and that is the best way I can think of to teach my baby wisdom; uphold the Word! 

somewhere on my mothering journey

 

Watch out everyone this is going to be a long one and I am mostly putting it down for my own remembrance but if you too are struggling in parenting it might be worth the read! I was lamenting to Jeremy that I was out of new ideas for parenting and I was frustrated with how poorly I was sometimes treating the kids. It's funny but Isaac being my last child is really motivating me not to mess up in the same ways with him that I did with Trinity and Blake. I had been randomly praying about it but mostly complaining to Jer.  Still I had recently told myself to make better use of drive times - where I am usually on the phone - to interact with the kids. On the way home from shopping the other day I had a good opportunity to talk about the gospel with them. We had gotten through God and Jesus and I was sharing about the Holy Spirit. Trinity is "yessing" and "uh-huhing" (are those words? well they should be) and happily explains that she "totally gets that" and "asked Jesus into her heart a long time ago". I believe this and don't doubt my little girls salvation one bit. I take a chance and ask Blake if he has ever done that. "Mom can we stop talking about this?" is his response. Blake will always change the subject before answering if he thinks you won't like the answer or he gets embarrassed. "Besides" he says "Trinity made me pray the other day that the ice cream truck would come when we were outside and it never came". You won't force or guilt Blake into anything.  Trinity comes right back with "well Blake, God knows what you need and what you don't and sometimes you just don't need ice cream". I can't help but laugh at their differences. It's funny because I see so much of myself in Trinity; that quick and joyful faith that I had as a child. In Blake I see more of his Daddy, a little bit more cautious and cynical. I am not sure if Jeremy was like that when he was a child but I see similarities in their behavior and personality today. Anyway this was the first conversation in the past week that kicked off some good discussion with my children and I hope growth in my parenting.  The redeeming the car time idea is not a new one but was brought up again for me in the current parenting book I am reading:

This book is a major "ouch" to the average parent. I thought I strove to be intentional in raising my children in a God-fearing home but this book kicks it to another level. I was at once humbled, frustrated, and inspired. Another of their practical suggestions (besides car time) was praying with your child when they have suffered a confrontation or acted out meanly/wrongly. Apparently for my children this is like pouring boiling oil on them. They writhed and squirmed in their time outs as I prayed for them that they might seek help from the Lord for more control in this area or more forgiveness in that. Turns out when you make it personal with God it's downright not cool. So even though I couldn't get them to actually pray those prayers it was good that they understood the seriousness of their behavior and that often what makes momma unhappy makes God unhappy too. Every night I have been reading to them from a childrens book called. . .

in it the little girl (anette) struggles to forgive a boy who inadverdently crippled her little brother. She hears the gospel and wants to ask Jesus into her heart but surely Jesus wouldn't come into a heart filled with hate? "Yes he would!" says Trinity, "then he can change it from the inside out". I'm not going to take the time to flesh this out theologically but I was pleased to see that Trinity has a grasp that God loves her no matter what. It makes me think the few times this week we prayed over her behavior have made an impression, even though I felt like I was talking to a wall. and that brings me to. . .

This Article Below and Last Night! dun-dudu-duh! 

we finally get to the last part of this parenting saga (for the moment). . .

 6 Things You Can Do When Your Child Is Belligerent

"My daughter was being so rude and belligerent. She was screaming at me about everything, so finally I just lost patience and yelled at her to go to her room. Then she burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed. Finally she recovered enough to say she was scared of first grade. I hadn't realized....." - Tara

When children are having a hard time, their feelings usually explode at the people with whom they feel safe -- Us!  It's natural for us to get angry, reprimand, tell them to behave, or send them off to calm down.  But when kids act rude and belligerent, they aren't trying to give us a hard time.  They're trying to send us an SOS.
If we respond by yelling, threatening, or sending them away to "calm down," we shut the door they've opened, and leave them to struggle on their own.  Of course, your child's belligerence might look more like a mine field than an open door! But it's the best she can do at the moment, and who ever said parenting was easy?  Here's how to navigate that minefield of belligerence.
1. Remind yourself that your child is sending you an SOS.  Naturally, you get triggered when your child is rude to you.  If you can take a deep breath and stay calm, you're modeling a critical skill for your child: self-regulation. Kids learn much more from what we do than what we say. If your default tone is respectful, that will be your child's default tone as well.
2. Give a gentle reminder that his tone is hurtful.  But instead of a reprimand, acknowledge that he must be hurting and invite him to talk about it: "Ouch! You must be so upset to speak to me that way...What's going on, Sweetie?"
3. Be prepared for the dam to break. Your child's response to your kind invitation to talk will probably be to unleash a torrent of upset in your direction. You'll get an earful about all the reasons her life is terrible, unfair, unbearable -- and maybe even that it's all your fault! Now's the time to use the time honored parenting mantra: Don't take it personally!  We all say things we don't mean when we're upset. What she needs you to hear is how upset she is.
4. Empathize. I know. He yells at you, and you're supposed to empathize? But that's what helps him feel those emotions, which is what heals them. "Oh, Sweetie...No wonder you're upset...I see..."  Resist the urge to talk him out of his feelings or minimize them. Of course, he's over-reacting. He's been storing up a lot of upsets. Your compassion is what makes it safe enough for him to feel them and let them go.
5. Listen, so she can sort out solutions. As she calms down, your child may think of some solutions.  They may be terrific: "Can I walk to school with Emily tomorrow?" Your response?  "What a great idea! Anything else we can do?"
Or her ideas may be not so terrific: "I don't need to go to first grade...I'll just stay home!"   Your response?  "Hmm...I hear you'd rather stay home....school feels scary to you right now...Let's think of some other ideas that might help.... What else could we do?"
It's fine to offer ideas, but manage your anxiety so you don't steamroll your child. This problem solving process is how she builds confidence and competence.
6. Later, help him reflect on what happened.  This develops emotional intelligence, by actually laying down neural circuits in the brain that allow your child to better manage his emotions. So summon up your compassion and sense of humor, and offer a gentle conversation opener: "I've been working hard to stay calm lately....But it wasn't easy for me to stay calm when you were so upset today....At first I felt hurt...Then I saw all those big feelings!  I'm so glad you told me about ..."  Of course, if you scold or demand an apology, your child resists. If, instead, you state your own experience and help him explore his, he'll have the empowering opportunity to see how he affects others. And you may be surprised to see him offer a heartfelt apology, a thank you, or an "I love you!"
Yes, this takes more work than sending your child to her room.  But as you repeat this process throughout her childhood, your child learns emotional intelligence, empathy and problem-solving skills. You deepen your relationship with her. Finally, she realizes that she doesn't have to yell to be heard.  And so do you!

I'm not sayin' I agree with this article for every situation but let me just break down yesterday to you. . .the kids get home from school and I suggest we go to a local park. Trinity has some difficulty following my instructions. She accuses me of yelling (I so wasn't). I remain calm but firmly inform her that if she keeps it up she will know what real yelling is. (mature response right?) She continues getting ready when I hear an under-the-breath "just try it" or something like that. B-U-S-T-E-D. I inform her she can go to bed a half hour early as sassing and disrespect are not allowed. On we go to the park where she continues to have a whiney-accusatory tone so much so that a nearby person working on their yard stops what they are doing and watches my little darling. I ignore the person and continue to speak calmly to Trinity; I make her aware that she is making a spectacle of herself and she does seem a little mortified that other people have noticed her 'tude. (STEP 1) She stalks away only to return a few minutes later with a quiet apology. What? well, that's a good start. We head home and the rest of the evening goes okay except that I do still have to put her to bed early so when I tuck her in she asks why she has to go early so we go back over her actions and where she went wrong (STEP 2). Of course she begins crying and saying "I didn't want to do it". I express sympathy (STEP 4) and tell her about Paul who also seemed to do what he didn't want to do. She was surprised by that but suddenly burst into fresh tears and completely melted down saying "I just love Jesus and I want to see him but I love my family and I love being here and I don't want to go to heaven yet and I can't go to heaven without my white blankey!!!!!" (STEP 3) Okay, I listen (STEP 5) and reassure her that I had the same concerns as a child but I am still here all grown up with my own family and that it was nothing to worry about yet. It touched my heart that she has such deep thoughts about her spirituality and her relationship with God. Again, completely reminding me of myself at that age. I once stood on my front lawn arms raised to the heavens because I was sure I had heard trumpets and Jesus was returning. I'm not kidding. In the end this took waaaayy wayyyyyyyyyy longer than just tucking her in and saying good night but it's obvious she had pent up emotions. Whether she was really concerned about heaven or just had a really long day and that's what she latched onto I'm not sure but I was so happy I took the time to break it down with her. Whew. Just hope I don't have to do it every day. God is so good to provide me with timely insights. I love how He brings books and articles my way that meet a need. I total believe it is Him. I feel like I have made some progress in the parenting realm. Never perfect, but always trying. Intentional. Now I am exhausted and going to bed. =)

Blake's First Day of Kindergarten

Ah my big boy. Didn't want to pose, didn't want to smile, didn't want to admit he was excited either. However, I finally got some smiles when he rode the bus for the first time his second day of school and I think he's going to be okay.  = )

 arriving at school

 waiting to go into class

 Mrs. Lee

 making friends

 I guess everyone gets the "mom" look (this was me trying to get a last picture as the teacher rushed us all out with barely a hello. . .we would have had words but my camera died a the same time so I let her off easy. . .)

 first day to ride the bus

 little bro

 keeping brother off the road

 can't get enough of this guy

 sorry dude, not your turn

 the bus!

 *sniff

 okay this is pretty cool, happy now.