hmmm

so today I just feel like journaling a little. Jeremy's company seems to be losing some momentum and this makes me stress a little. I hope so much for it to be successful but it takes hard work and the reality is that start-ups more often than not don't really go anywhere. There is talk of moving production to New Jersey and to that I say "boo". Also, it just seems like such a struggle to get anywhere financially. I mean, you make good wages for a one income family and yet there is nothing to save? Jer and I live comfortably but certainly not lavishly and I can't afford to put Trinity in pre-school or even sign her up for soccer. I need to check out some options at the community center. I don't know, it's like you feel good about where you are at but you have to ignore all the things that aren't happening. Like saving for the kids' school, health benefits, retirement/investments for our futue; if I even start to think about this I get depressed. How can you have everything you need and still feel so burdened by what you don't have? Jeremy would remind me the biblical quote (sort of) from O Brother where art thou?. . ."consider the lillies of the G*& Da*n field" (of course he would have to quote it blasphemously). It's funny becuase I have friends who post some of their deeper thoughts and I always think that it's kind of funny/awkward to know quite so much of what they are thinking but it's refreshing as well to know that people have the same highs and lows as you do. There are so many things that I am in a holding pattern about these days. Renting housing is not my favorite thing and I am really starting to get antsy about not knowing exactly where we are supposed to be. I suppose the option to move back home may become available soon but is now the time? What if they really do want to move to Jersey? If we stay here, how long must we rent and how do I get okay with that? Also, I still don't have a friend my age that I can really talk to. Unfortunately natalie and mom get an earful regularly. Thank heavens for Stephanie my mentor. I am trying to give her the job of bosom buddy for the moment. Still when it has been a year and a half and I can't think of anyone to call to go shopping with me (awfully hard when we all have two or three kids) it's a bummer. I have had a hard time with the kids today. Just not very much patience after our wonderful vacation. I am denial about the boredom of day to day life. Took trinity in for her four year pictures at Penny's. What a monkey! She refused to calm down and take a nice picture. I mean, it was funny but also not helpful for my lack of patience. The lady didn't try very hard to get her to do well though so I don't put all the blame on my four year old. I mean. come on. Actually I got several scrapbook layouts done today and it was really fun! Ah well, there are alot of bright spots as well I am just obviously in the mood to focus on the negative. That's where I'm at and now I'm going to bed. = )Ah sweet sleep, come and give your blissful oblivion! (man that sounds way more depressed than I actually feel, I think I have a flair for melodrama). lol.