Encouraged

I'm feeling encouraged today. I'm continuing to "let go and let God" direct my spiritual life. Seeking small moments with Him and changing up how I spend my free time in order to stay more focused on Him. Some of the things He has laid on my heart is opening my prayer time with repetitions of the Lord's Prayer and the quote from St. Patricks Breastplate. 

and

 I have found these center my thoughts on The Lord and all He is and does. I must start here before I make my confessions. Then I move to my requests. Sometimes in the day the "arrow" prayers go up but I am working hard to not let that be the only way I come to the Lord in prayer. I am working on that meditative quiet time it takes to hear His still small voice. 

Another way I am encouraged is that almost a year after his diagnoses of ASD Isaac will finally be evaluated for ABA therapy on Wednesday! After his diagnoses in May of last year I just wanted to finish the school year out and enjoy the summer with the kids. I knew early intervention was important but I didn't feel a couple of months would make or break him. Then began our battle with our insurance who doesn't cover ABA therapies. Washington does no have mandated ABA coverage but it does have a mental parity law that can sometimes work to get it paid for. So after many phone-calls I join an advocacy group to get help in putting an appeal together and I speak with an AMAZING woman Keri D'Hondt who runs the clinic that Isaac will be working with. She tells me her clients use Group Health and I should get an individual plan. By this time it's September and I have to wait until Nov. 11th for open enrollment. Then it's the holidays so I say "forget it until January". January comes and I get the plan up and running but it doesn't begin until February. All this time I am trying to get my insurance to send me a proper letter of denial. February comes and I send in a referral for Leaps Forward, Keri's office. It's denied claiming Isaac does not have a proper diagnoses. I must appeal and send in the diagnoses paperwork and the letter of support from his diagnosing doctor, Dr. Reilly. 

FINALLY the appeal comes back LAST WEEK that we are approved! and then. . . .I call my insurance once again to demand the letter and they totally change their story. It is covered now. I am waiting for their autism team to call me to confirm and learn about benefits. It's been over a week. I'm not holding my breath. And so as amazing as it would be to drop the $170 dollar individual plan I am moving forward with his therapy under that policy and will work on clearing up my original insurance next week. I am thrilled to have this missing piece to the puzzle of Isaac solved. It may well affect what his next year looks like pre-school and speech therapy wise. I am just so thankful that God seems to know just how much I can handle. Still planning to get Trin to a specialist for some recommendations for her ADHD but reading a great book on it that is very helpful. Having three children with behavior issues is challenging and some days I feel like I'm just treading water but I know that God has a plan for each one and I try to rest in that. We have enrolled her in Classical Conversations for next year. That's a program I can do at home with her that has one "class" day a week. I pick the math and the language arts. I'm excited to have a "spine" to work off of for the year and I hope the constant repetition benefits her. Blake continues to struggle with his temper. Focus is becoming an issue for him at school as well. He is getting very similar reports to Trin at that age. I know I mentioned that in a previous post but no miraculous fixing of the issue yet, lol. Not sure what this means for the future. I have definitely slacked in praying for them lately. I really need to remedy that a.s.a.p. 

oh and in other news (just keeping it first world here) I finally purchased my first expensive handbag. I feel like a grownup now. Of course the seven years I had three babies and nine years I carried a daiper bag are really what made me a grown-up but I told Jer when we potty trained the last one that I was going to buy myself a NICE handbag. After months of searching for just the right one I found it. It's a cross body mini punk bag in black by Fredd and Basha and it smells so nice I just want to hug it. (uummmmm leather. . . .) Also noteworthy, Jeremy's lease was up on his Volt so he purchased a 2008 Dodge Charger after weeks of obsessing over cars on craigslist. Yay! Because to say he was obsessing over it really is an understatement.

Because HE IS - and how I'm finally ready to let go.

I've been thinking a lot about the cycle of the Isrealites of the OT. It began by walking with God with fervor then waning to compromise which always leads to outright rejection of the LORD. This cycle required discipline of devastating proportions at times but always resulted in restoration through mercy and grace because of God's covenant love. As a friend said in bible study small group, "I seem to follow this cycle on a smaller scale all throughout my life". I feel the same way. I feel close to the Lord, I desire His will to work in my life; until I get distracted, hard-hearted, and suddenly I am past that tipping point of compromise to outright sin in my life. Oh, maybe not adultery, or sacrificing to idols, but then again Jesus turned those commandments on their heads when he said to even look at someone with lust is adultery and to hate your brother is murder, so is their really a difference in God's eyes? There is no excuse. Then I am brought low, I repent, and for a while I find peace and joy in my walk, until something creeps in again. Complacency, dissatisfaction, you name it I have felt it. Is there anything more frustrating than to never be able to conquer my flesh? Who has not experienced this? To give in to that desire to press snooze on the alarm rather than to get up and focus on God in prayer. To justify ungodly influence because it's "normal" and "entertaining". To give up before you begin because you have only failed in the past? Praise the Lord that he restores us. (1 John 1:9) We are not bound by our flesh, but we will never be perfect either. I must stop trying to be. I must let GOD be perfect, and let CHRIST'S love overwhelm me. When I study a man like Nehemiah, who had such wisdom and discernment, it clearly stemmed from his faithful walk and prayer life. I am jealous. I say "I want that", and then I come to the realization that I will NEVER achieve the spiritual disciplines I desire unless God accomplishes them in me. I feel foolish for having an aha moment about this now. I understand that it does take self-discipline to have a steady prayer life and to daily be in the Word asking God to reveal himself to me but as I'm going through the LENT study at SHEREADSTRUTH.COM I have confessed and repented because the truth is, I have  always to some degree made my attempts at spiritual discipline about me. Bottom line is some part of me has always tried to do it in my own strength. And that makes me sad. Wasted time always makes me sad. HE must come first, there is no "if I could only" then surely (x) would follow. Praise be to Jesus that I can come to that realization, give it to my Lord and Savior, and begin again. But this time He has blessed me with the mind set that I will NEVER accomplish this in my own strength. I must simply make myself the vessel that HE can fill. There is nothing I can do but cry out to Him to give me the strength to clear my mind, set aside time for hearing from Him, and acting on what I learn in the time spend together. No. Christ Alone.The Holy Spirit must be my motivator and the Lord my daily portion I hope and pray that each day He will remind me of the place He deserves in my life and that I will respond accordingly. To God be the Glory.. 

Crazy Hair

Last night I took Trinity to the crazy hair tour. I wasn't sure if she would enjoy it because she shies away from big events where it will be too noisy. In fact, she had already asked me earlier in the day if it was too much if maybe we could just go shopping. I had to encourage her not to look for an out before it was even deemed necessary. We headed into Overlake and found a row at the VERY back, lol. They began the first song and Trinity immediately said she didn't like the noise. This level was NOT bad as far as concerts/performances goes, so I told her to hang in there and suddenly, SHE WAS HOOKED. The event talked about modesty, what does "normal" mean in today's society, and how does that align with what God tells us in His word. The girls were encouraged to share their biggest dislike about themselves with the Lord and then confess it to us moms so we could pray over them. That was a very special moment for Trinity and I. Of course the general lavishing of gifts pleased her as well. I bought her "crazy hair", a t-shirt, and a TWO dollar soda. Since when do vending machines get to charge us two dollars for a soda??? I was so proud of my little girl embracing these big girl concepts and seeking to honor God with her life even as young as she is. I was very concerned when they started a screaming contest between the pink and blue sides that it would be too much for Trinity but I was shocked when she just jammed her fingers in her ears and screamed right along! I NEVER thought that would be her response but the evening was peppered with "best night ever", "thank-you, thank-you", and "I want to stay here forever". Mommy and daughter went to bed with happy hearts.

here they had the girls only sing Jesus Love Me. =)

Fun with shadows

this shot of Blake walking through the trees reminded me of Psalm 144:12

the view from my hike early this morning

The Cross Changes Everything

Every time I study a book in the Old Testament I am struck by the contrast of it to the new testament. The other day I scribbled out a little illustration that followed my reflections. As we approach Good Friday I am amazed at how MUCH the cross changed things. Firstly, we must always have God at the center. N.T. or O.T. It all comes back to our creator, Father God. In the Old Testament, God is at the center and the Jews are on the outer circle. You might notice that I said *we in the diagram because I was thinking of believers today as being the same as believers in the O.T. but ultimately I would have been a gentile and one of the *others. Notice all the arrows go to the center. The culture of the Israelites was very "exclusive". Far from being inclusive, they had many rules to maintain their purity as a nation, including not intermarrying. In fact, some of the most disturbing parts of scripture, where the Jews are called to annihilate whole peoples as they took over the land, have something to do with this God-ordained purity. What was the point? Time and again foreign influence would lead them astray. The boundaries and the LAW that only the Jews observed were supposed to make them a beacon in a land of idol worship and moral degradation. Every aspect of their daily lives; the sacrifices, the worship, the feasts, were designed to point back to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Others who heard the power of "their" God were drawn like moths to the flame. Even foreign sinners such as Rahab the prostitute understood that the Jews served a living God, unlike any she had ever experienced of wood and stone. By putting her faith in Him she was saved during the destruction of her hometown. A city on a hill cannot be hidden and that is exactly what the nation of Isreal was. They were at times mighty, and other times captives and slaves, but God maintained the covenant bond between them. Everything about the nation of Israel focused in toward their God. 

Then Jesus came and everything changed. 

We know God himself does not change and that is a wonderful comfort because even in some of the more chaotic parts of the O.T. we see His love and grace shown over and over again to His chosen people. What does change though, is how he relates to the world. Suddenly, God sends His son right into the middle of our mess. The arrows from the inner circle of  God go back and forth now to us on the outer circle through the blood of Christ. Us - once the *others outside of the old covenant circle now have an intercessor  ,a mediator, that makes a way for us to God the Father. The most precious gift ever given can now be received and in the NEW covenant it is no longer about turning IN and shutting out, it is about turning OUT and sharing the righteousness we have been given with the whole world. The good news sends us out. God - Jesus - Us- The World! 

Spiritual Blessings in Christ:

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in heavenly realms. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

Ephesians 1:3-10