I was thinking about my daughter. We have been having a difficult time agreeing with her teacher on what is appropriate reading material. The teacher is mainly looking at the level but I am entirely more concerned with the content. I found myself searching Amazon for all the series I had enjoyed as a girl when I was Trin's age. It struck me that they probably weren't as good as I remember them. Still, I had a moment of wanting SO BADLY for her to have the same experiences as me, even hoping my favorite books would be hers. I have been doing this recently in a lot of areas actually. I have wanted her to join choir because I was in choir, play softball because I enjoyed softball, even down to buying her expensive toys because they were a favorite of mine. ( I sure hope I can sell those calico critters for a wad sometime soon) What is my goal in this? I'm not quite sure. I had a unique and amazing childhood. It wasn't perfect but it was chock full of good times and people and most importantly gave me a solid foundation in the gospel. Jesus love me and died to save me. Amen! I guess in a way I want her to have that wonderful of an upbringing. But you can't recreate the past. Already as you know from previous posts I have struggled to relate to Trinity in that I was raised with a twin, which is a unique thing in itself, and I had a hard time understanding her difficulty making friends because I always had someone unconditionally there for me. Trinity has to find that in a friend. Also, not everyone can grow up in a tiny church where the choir is every child in the building and the level of musical knowledge and proficiency would often lead people to joke that you had to audition to be a part of it. I worry sometimes that she isn't getting enough musical exposure and experience. But is that her path? The Lord may not have a second generation worship leader in mind when he sees her, lol. Trinity is her own little person, with her own taste and personality. I want to find the balance of recognizing what from those life-molding, formative years that I so enjoyed I can attempt to pass on and what I need to "let go and let Trin". I mean, I NEVER took a swim lesson in my life and all three kids have been taking lessons this year. That is something new and forever different than anything I experienced as a child. I am happy that she will be a good swimmer and can save herself but I felt a beginning to us being "different" from each other. Does that even make sense?? Hopefully as I mull this over I will be able to hone in on the things that made me who I am for the good and take the essence of those and instill them in Trinity.
One powerful thing was friendships:
Trinity does not currently have what I already had at her age in this area. I had very close male and female friends that loved the Lord. This is an area I need to bring before God regularly. Most of Trinity's friends are unbelievers and while they are good girls they may not hold to the values I want for Trinity as she gets older. It's hard to believe that she is already in the "middle" of her childhood.
Something else was church:
My friends were also my peers at church. My church was strong in the faith. It encouraged us kids to go deep in the bible. I need to get Trinity on a better trajectory for knowing her way around the scriptures and understanding that even at this age, there are powerful things in the Word for HER.
Music:
This is one of those that doesn't have to be the same for her. Of course you know that that would be hard for me. . . .=) What I most want for her is to find music as an amazing tool to worship the living God.
Service:
My parents exemplify service. They have been a pillar of my childhood church. Constant upkeepers (is that's a word) of the church building and meeting the needs of neighbors. My dad spent long hours plowing snow and never asking for anything in return. He gave up his Saturday mornings to take us into the fields to practice softball. He came home early from work to catch games. My mother put together celebration after celebration. I will also never forget how she dragged us to the nursing home to help an artist named Athena. I might be repeating myself but the lesson deserves retelling. Athena was a quadriplegic, she used to have this machine (the height of technology I'm sure) that would alert people to her needs. It responded to "Manuel". I can still remember Athena rasping that name out over and over as the stupid thing failed to recognize her words. All through it my mom would sit by her side, visit with her, and help put the brushes in her mouth while she painted. My sister and I roamed the home's halls adjusting to the strange smells and the old people in their wheelchairs drooling on themselves or talking to themselves, etc. To this day it is usually extremely unnerving for the average person to enter a facility like that. We don't want to think there are people living that way, that far gone but with bodies that still require nourishment and care until at last they return to the dust they were created from. Many of them with no family to come see them. But because of my mother fearlessly, and persistently dragging us in there we learned that those precious people deserved love and attention too. Respect even.
Last but not least:
Free Time - we may have complained a million times of being "bored" as homeschoolers but it was infinitely better than the next to zero free time Trinity seems to have at only fifth grade.
Reading - I love reading and hope she will too
AS I mentioned in one of the sections above my daughter is already in the MIDDLE of her childhood and Blake is approaching it fast. I feel God is calling me to "move this mountain" of my concerns with their education and spiritual formation, with the mustard seed of faith that homeschooling is the right decision for our family. It will undoubtedly be different than my homeschooling experience but I hope it has the same effect.
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.
“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”
