Naming the moment

. . .trying to make sure all the bills get paid in this new location; that our address is changed on all our cards / accounts/ etc;  continuing to unpack boxes, move things here and there, organizing;  throwing longing looks at the piano on occasion. . .oh wait, what is this basketball someone put under my shirt??? huh, that's not a ball it's a baby! that's right, I seem to remember planning to have one more about nine months ago. hmm. what's that? he's ready to come out now??? you mean I will be in the labor and delivery wing of the hospital, then trying to put the carseat in right to take him home, and all that other newborn stuff? What do you mean I can't put my whole back seat down for trips to nee nee's? what's his name you ask??

shoot, deciding on a name must surely be on one of my to do lists somewhere. . .
ah yes, here we go. . .

1. pack hospital bag
2. charge camera battery and video camera battery
3. take friend boxes for her move
4. go to target for disposable wipes for the kids' bathroom
5. go to bible study (which was amazing. I move it to number one importance)
6. take trin back and forth from school
7. try not to lose it with blake when he whines
8. NAME THE BABY

ah! there it is. . .
with so much going on (and I know everyone has lots going on, I'm no special case) I was taken aback by a brief pre-labor session last night. My contractions picked up and I had quite a bit of back pain. I was thinking that if this was the real deal that I was NOT READY.  To clarify; I feel ready for the baby, minus of course the no name thing, but not so much for the pregnancy to be over. I am thinking it's my last and as he was wiggling around in there I realized that it would be hard for me to reconcile that these moments will so soon be gone.

I felt like I really needed to rest in the moment. almost like it deserved a name too (hence the title of the blog). I need to be trying harder to remember these last few pregnant days. I just want to revel in the blessing God gave me of carrying life. I know not everyone feels that way about pregnancy (for some it is a physical/mental/spiritual battle) but for me it has always been a special time. I was so eager to have trinity that I don't think I really enjoyed the end of that pregnancy, plus there was a move involved at that time as well. With blake I think I was able to savor the moment but it all passes too quickly and one forgets how it really feels to anticipate a baby's arrival and yet be saddened by the end of a very emotional experience. So I sit today in complete limbo, one part ready to have a baby and move on with a busy summer schedule and the other part screaming "hold on!, I still want to process, I feel like there is more I need to process". Which part wins?

well babies don't really let you dictate to them your desires so I guess the baby plan does. At least I have been able to sit and write for a moment. Sometimes that is enough of a process to help me move on. Now where did I put that name book???