Because HE IS - and how I'm finally ready to let go.

I've been thinking a lot about the cycle of the Isrealites of the OT. It began by walking with God with fervor then waning to compromise which always leads to outright rejection of the LORD. This cycle required discipline of devastating proportions at times but always resulted in restoration through mercy and grace because of God's covenant love. As a friend said in bible study small group, "I seem to follow this cycle on a smaller scale all throughout my life". I feel the same way. I feel close to the Lord, I desire His will to work in my life; until I get distracted, hard-hearted, and suddenly I am past that tipping point of compromise to outright sin in my life. Oh, maybe not adultery, or sacrificing to idols, but then again Jesus turned those commandments on their heads when he said to even look at someone with lust is adultery and to hate your brother is murder, so is their really a difference in God's eyes? There is no excuse. Then I am brought low, I repent, and for a while I find peace and joy in my walk, until something creeps in again. Complacency, dissatisfaction, you name it I have felt it. Is there anything more frustrating than to never be able to conquer my flesh? Who has not experienced this? To give in to that desire to press snooze on the alarm rather than to get up and focus on God in prayer. To justify ungodly influence because it's "normal" and "entertaining". To give up before you begin because you have only failed in the past? Praise the Lord that he restores us. (1 John 1:9) We are not bound by our flesh, but we will never be perfect either. I must stop trying to be. I must let GOD be perfect, and let CHRIST'S love overwhelm me. When I study a man like Nehemiah, who had such wisdom and discernment, it clearly stemmed from his faithful walk and prayer life. I am jealous. I say "I want that", and then I come to the realization that I will NEVER achieve the spiritual disciplines I desire unless God accomplishes them in me. I feel foolish for having an aha moment about this now. I understand that it does take self-discipline to have a steady prayer life and to daily be in the Word asking God to reveal himself to me but as I'm going through the LENT study at SHEREADSTRUTH.COM I have confessed and repented because the truth is, I have  always to some degree made my attempts at spiritual discipline about me. Bottom line is some part of me has always tried to do it in my own strength. And that makes me sad. Wasted time always makes me sad. HE must come first, there is no "if I could only" then surely (x) would follow. Praise be to Jesus that I can come to that realization, give it to my Lord and Savior, and begin again. But this time He has blessed me with the mind set that I will NEVER accomplish this in my own strength. I must simply make myself the vessel that HE can fill. There is nothing I can do but cry out to Him to give me the strength to clear my mind, set aside time for hearing from Him, and acting on what I learn in the time spend together. No. Christ Alone.The Holy Spirit must be my motivator and the Lord my daily portion I hope and pray that each day He will remind me of the place He deserves in my life and that I will respond accordingly. To God be the Glory..