Shoulda Woulda Coulda

What is it about disappointment that makes us so behave so harshly to the ones we love? When I look at the grace continually offered me by my heavenly Father and I think of the way He is always willing to bring me back into communion with Him, I am disgusted at how easily I fall into the lie that my needs are what need to be met. Just as I am part of the body of Christ I am part of my own family unit as well and each of us has DIFFERENT ways of seeing things and handling things. I acted shamefully yesterday when I returned home from a trip in a perfectly happy (though sleep deprived) mood which quickly spiraled into tears and a pity party that the house was not in the order I was hoping it would be. To me the state of things said "unloved and unimportant", to him it said "been busy, not so bad". My anger put him on the defensive when a soft answer could have turned away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). My belligerence about the situation kept me from seeking reconciliation for a full day. I pouted that everything I manage is unappreciated. I sulked that if I gave in and asked for forgiveness for my bad behavior he would just think it license to continue to fall through in the areas that we don't see eye to eye. I had just finished a special project for our upcoming anniversary and I return home to give him the cold shoulder after a selfish spat? Shame on me. This is not the way of Christ. How thankful I am that even as I lay on my bed justifying my sin I felt the Holy Spirit coaching me to act otherwise. Even though I rebelliously continued in my rotten mood through this morning I was comforted because I knew that I would "let it go" at some point today, and I did. I repented of my attitude, I humbled myself before the Lord, I apologized to my husband. As the apostle Paul says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do". (Romans 7:15) 
God is grace-full to us. I am a sinner saved by grace and my actions do not always align with His will but He as a Holy God so humbly accepts my repentance and so eagerly restores my heart and perspective that I am filled awe and can only thank Him that His ways are not mine. Drama, a loss of the bigger picture; this can get us into so much trouble. The world shrinks to a microcosm of reality and molehills become mountains and ugliness  wins. Grace pulls you up and out and asks you to love without expectations, to give without a return, to serve without compensation and though you think you give up everything you deserve you are really gaining everything that you don't.