My Big Boy

Isaac is four and half months now and he rolls all over the floor both ways! I have to take a close look at the floor now to make sure there is nothing he can put in his mouth laying around. Also, I think he is teething already. He has been very fussy at night, waking up many times but not wanting to nurse, just wanting to chew. I am turning into a bit of a zombie, running on my one cup of tea/coffee a day fairly well but not at full steam. Neither trinity nor blake showed sign of teething so early but every child is different so.. .I gave up on my ban on solids till 6 mo and began feeding him rice cereal at night. He loves it but is still lousy at eating it and it doesn't seem to affect how well he sleeps at all. darn. In the meantime I am dealing with always new and challenging behaviors in the older two while simultaneously enjoying some truly sweet moments between them. I can't wait till isaac is big enough to be thrown into the mix. Or maybe I can. Ruminating on all of this while drinking my cup of morning tea and watching Gardening with Ciscoe (that nutty, barely coherent seattle-lite) on a rainy saturday morning. Eegads, I have officially turned into my parents (except they would have black coffee).

Rambling - Part 2

Okay, so. . .even though I think I posted part 1 a few days ago the thoughts had taken several days to formulate. So now it is about a week later than my actual "rough day". I am in a much better place mentally. ha ha. Isn't it funny how you can go to bed feeling discouraged and somehow through the night is just sort of seeps out of you and you wake up once more your optimistic self. Thank you Jesus. Okay so, I am once again okay with not being a major blogger/fashionista/career woman. Why, do you ask? The great thing I am learning is that God's purpose isn't forced down any certain path. I am not solely defined by my role as a stay at home mom any more than I would be by the title successful career woman or any other avenue I might venture. I always knew in my heart that when I had children I would not want to work when they were little but that I would put it back on the map when they were all in school. Part of this has to do with how God has gifted me. I have always known He called me to women's ministry and to music. It's just been a certainty in my heart since I was a young married woman and new mother. He has faithfully opened doors for me to minister with my gift through every phase of my life. That cannot be more clear. Still, the things of the world call to me, telling me that time spent doing that is not "worth" what outside work/learning may be. Let's get to the REAL bottom line however. The real reason I feel better today is this, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! the reason the world does not know us is because it did not know Him." - 1 John 3:1     That's it. My purpose is to seek His kingdom first. It supersedes whether I mother, work, tour (oh, the dreams!), whatever! If am seeking Him, God will show me when it's time to be "out there" in the work world and even better, He will open doors to it! It's so easy to lose sight of the peace you can have in waiting on the Lord. So, no I don't always feel confident in my "self" but thank heavens I can look at it from God's perspective. In HIS timing, He is faithful to complete the work He began in me. Amen! gosh I've been at so many places in my mind this week that anyone who reads this is probably not going to follow me at all. That's okay, sometimes you just need to write things down so you can go back to it and encourage yourself.

Rambling - Part 1

I have felt the need to decompress verbally for several weeks now. It's funny how things always seem to build to a boiling point before simmering down to an acceptable level again for a time. The reason I haven't gotten around to writing sooner is because I wasn't sure where to begin. I live in many fantasy worlds throughout the day and I'm never sure which is best - or if they are deserving of time at all. These might include trawling fashion blogs and watching fashion shows on cable (both of which I always have at least 2 cents to add),  watching design shows (also always have an opinion), and my latest obsession Pinterest. Now, I console myself that Pinterest might actually be useful (I have gotten some good recipes already) but since my last ten "pins" have been of clothes I can't afford. . .also I am curious why I sometimes feel the need to "escape" from the role of motherhood that is mine and that I cherish so much I wouldn't trade -or would I? I picture myself striking out in the business world, creating an empire from some product I love. In an older post I mentioned this need too. My current "Self" doesn't seem to be good enough. At least I feel like that's what I'm telling myself when I partake of the fantasy worlds where I can buy whatever I want, decorate with whatever I want, and accomplish whatever I want. Another part of the not sure where to begin issue is I wonder at times how personal to get in these deep-down blog sessions. I mean, it's not exactly a journal I can lock and hide under the mattress. That begs the question what is my motivation for baring my heart to the world? hmm, will have to think on that one. In the meantime I write on because I am a blabber mouth after all and I enjoy a good vent like the next person. Today was one of those days. Some days I feel like I have it all together. I rock the mom thing, (never perfect it, but rock it), my children don't seem to be heading for a disastrous future (at this moment), and all seems well on the home front. Contentment is the word of the day. Then there are days like today. Can I be honest? we all have our self doubts. A few nights ago at the dinner table Jeremy made a comment I took the wrong way. It threw me into a mini spiral of frustration and self-doubt. Am I doing enough? Do I care enough? Somehow it's okay when you think to yourself "hey, I might be a little lazy" but it's another thing when you sense thoughts like that underlying a loved ones' comments.  I told him later that I should have been happy he felt I had potential to waste. lol. There is always a silver lining. Anyway, it was just one of those days that make you feel crummy about your life in general. Throughout the day I had considered projects and outlets that might help me feel productive but in the end there are plenty of fabulous fashion/decor blogs and I'm certainly not going to pursue a career at this point (while the kids are little) so I end up back at sighing and shrugging and wondering what I could be doing differently. Yeah, one of those days. But don't worry because part 2 is coming soon and we will look at how I SHOULD be looking at things. . .from a Higher point of view